Raavan (A. Rai )

The song that I am literally in love with at the moment and I cant stop  listening to and the video is adorable too is Khili Re from the movie Raavan. The melody and the vocals are just so warm and calming and to those who love Hindi movies and music you will love this song and movie its excellent. You have to listen to the song and watch the video and I will assure you that you will definitely want to see the movie.
so here is a link to the video Khili Re:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skeLbK83WSk

The video is so adorable please check it out; you will really love it!

love how Africans have Pride!(culture)

Today is 11/13/2010. Yesterday I went to UIC in Chicago to see my best friend preform and I really wasn't expecting what I saw there. I was so amazed and it made me love even more that I am African American and that deep down I'm happy to have roots in Africa(even if I don't know exactly where in Africa I am from). When I went to this performance there was a fashion show, a DJ, a freestyle(I think that's what the boy was trying to do) and mostly performances from different parts of Africa talking about their culture and talking about myths that people in America have about people in Africa. It was such a great show and the fashion OMG it was sooo pretty patterns and beautiful colors everywhere. When I was sitting in the audience I just wanted to get up and snatch those clothes off the models and take them home and wear them all day. My favorite outfits had to be the jumpers with the traditional African patterns but rich bright colors, oh you just had to be there to even imagine what I saw. It was so much fun, I met new people that my friends knew and I seen the hottest Somalian man in my life so cute. (lol had to add that) and just over all --things like this... that I am able to be around and am invited to I am the most luckiest person. It just gives me inspiration to one day maybe possibly travel to these places once in my life. And again it makes me proud to be African American and I think that's the best thing for someone to feel happy about their culture and to see where their ancestors are from It's amazing.

I don't know how to write my emotions that are going through my head right now on this blog but I will try.
what I'm feeling at the moment was the inspiration for my poem. I know this blog isn't suppose to be about my little sob stories and what I feel, but I feel like I need to share it, and I hope I can write this well and if NI do write this well you will understand some of the things in my poem.
Anyway today my day was going good I had a feeling It was not gonna be good all day long but I said what the heck I cant just not go to school or something so I went on to school. So while I'm at my first class, my computer class it's fine (although I wasn't doing none of my work lol) and I get through that class fine and I come home and take a break, but it all started when I got to my next class. Now this is when everything went to hell and my day went down in crumbles. So I get to my next class, and I'm thinking this class is going to be fun today OK my teacher is not here for today and were not doing anything but reviewing for our test. So we all are paired up and the pairs were assigned a chapter, but me...being me I forgot what chapter I was assigned to and what made it worse that I did the wrong chapter I did the review sheet in the morning so I didn't really care so my partner asks me 'did you do the chapter, and he tells me chapter 9 and I'm shocked I tell him I did chapter 8 and everyone in the class room that's there looks at me and says omg Carolyn you did chapter 8 and so I just laugh or try to laugh it off which I do for everything and I know I've messed up but me thinking I can get out of any situation...or try, tried to get out of the situation. So I try to do chapter 9 as  fast as I can before the rest of the class shows up. So I end up finishing the couple of questions but they aren't the best I admit or they were good but they weren't written in depth. So I try to relax. But there is this woman in my class that I'm friends with but she is one of those people who make jokes but is mean too, and is SUCH an over achiever so she gets ti class and sits down and the leader asks her did she do her questions and she says yeah. Idk how she found out I didn't do mine and she looks at me and begins throwing the punches.I mean just harsh punches lol. She says omg I knew you weren't going to do them blah blah blah, so I just laugh it off once again but inside I'm feeling so shitty because I know the reason why I didn't do them was because I procrastinated and didn't care about it and that made me mad because I hate being the stupid one in the class. So the leader has everyone come together to give their answers to the chapters they were assigned and when it got to my chapter I was saying some things but not alot because my partner had better answers then me so I let him explain most of them, he had the page numbers and explained everything so then when he would get stuck the leader would say oh well if your partner would have did her questions she could have gave her answers, "lets ask her" " whats the answer Carolyn" and of course I try to give them the answers that I have and of course there not good enough for them and the over achiever has t say something with her cruel jokes too. So after they embarrassed me in front of the class I was just quite the rest of the time just thinking , and sad because everyone did such a good job and I was the only one who didn't. It made me so discouraged and sad but it also gave me strength to change  how I am and become an "over achiever" ... or maybe not an over achiever or do better than just good aim high.

BREAKING POINT

I am tired of being seen as the quite shy dumb cute girl,
I'm tired of people not looking up to me but looking at me and saying "shes not as smart as her sisters but at least shes good at...idk some things."
I'm tired of being the only kid in my class not involved and fade into the walls,
I'm tired of working my hardest and not getting recognized for it,
I'm tired at myself for being a procrastinator and doing things at the last minute when I know I shouldn't but I still do the same routines over and over again,
I'm tired of feeling sad and angry at myself when my mom doesn't think I can do great things when she tells me the things that "a mom should tell her kids"
I'm angry at myself for not pushing myself and being an over achiever,
I'm tired of being me...
BUT THIS IS IT!
I'm doing things differently now
I'M going to be the one who does all her work on time and get the top scores in my class,
I'M going to be the one who's going to make it before my sisters
I'M going to be the one my mom looks at and be proud of,
I'M going to be the girl who studies every night pouring over my work and prove people wrong,
I am not going to be known for nothing except as one of the sisters who was the quite cute one...
or maybe I just am upset with myself, maybe I'm unhappy at who I am?, idk...
but what I do know...
things are changing today, I've reached my breaking point.